Since August, Dillon and I have been going to a church in Chandler called The Grove. Initially, we went infrequently for the first few months then slowly began to go every week. We remained pretty anonymous every Sunday, coming in right on time and leaving right away after and that quickly became really difficult for us. It would be much easier for us to go to church with our friends, or even not at all, but we know we’re meant to be at The Grove for a reason. And it is not easy for us at all. We want to get more involved, be apart of it more, and really be in community; we want to be on the inside and only feel like we’re on the outside, despite our attempts to change that.
But for the past little while (and by little while, I mean a couple months), we’ve been at a crossroads between our current community of Cru, a college group at The Grove, or a life group with other people in a similar place as our own. Each has their strengths, and each has their fears. The way I see it, it’s kind of a battle between now and then. It’s hard to let go of what we know (Cru) and scary to think of rebuilding those relationships with strangers and being vulnerable with all new people, and putting ourselves out there.
But after thought and prayer and talking, we’ve decided to join a life group with the church we expect to be a part of as long as we’re in Arizona. We hope to be close with other people in similar places in life as ours, maybe a young marrieds. We want the possibility of making friends individually, but also as a couple, having a group where people can understand, hold us accountable, and challenge us in the same way we hope to do so. One hesitation Dillon had voiced was the fear that we are going into this with the expectation that it will be as vulnerable of a community as the ones we’ve been blessed (spoiled) with. “What if I sit down with someone and say ‘tell me what’s going on, how has this week been’ and I’m only met with ‘oh, it was great’. What if there is no realness”. I completely understand his fear of that but it can really only go two ways. Either that isn’t the case at all, and fear is only making a scene, or it is the case, in which Dillon and I would have an incredible opportunity to be the change in that, to bring what we’ve learned and experienced to a new group of people. In both, God is there.
I think that’s what matters most. Not where we are necessarily, but that God is here. He is there. He is. God is.
And one more thing that I love is when I was voicing all of this with Dillon and at one point said, “I just need community. I need women in my life and I need a place to be.” and he said “I hear your need.”. That’s cool to hear, I like that.
So that’s all. I don’t know if any of that made sense, but I’m at Starbucks, multitasking betwen Pinterest, phone calls, and planning events.