in regards to my dreams:

I originally wrote this on September 10th, 2011 and am simply reposting it. My heart is the same.

Plain and simple: my biggest dream in life is to live a simple, quaint, joyfully abundant life with my family.

I do not have the desire to lead a powerful, career focused life where my goal is to gain more money than the person next to me. I do not have the desire to live a monotonous life of nine to five jobs day in and day out, allowing my “real life” to fit in on the evenings and weekends. I do not have the desire to send my children off to someone else to take care of. I do not have the desire to rely on “date nights” to rekindle the love in my future marriage. It seems empty, work seems to fill, and there is no place for Jesus to be a part of the family I will create, no place to strengthen the love and life I have. I know this because I’ve felt it.

While I realize it’s a largely unpopular opinion, my heart yearns to spend the days with my children, making crafts, baking together, using our imaginations, and telling stories about how much Jesus loves their huge hearts. My heart yearns to create a home where my future husband can relax, slip away from his work, and have a peaceful, comforting, inviting, and loving home to take part in along side me. I want to be a wife and mother that can ultimately create a safe place for the people I will hold absolutely closest to my heart, supporting them in every way possible.

People think I’m weird. I tell them I hate college because it is not where my heart lies, with no ounce of passion to give towards it. I tell them that above all, I want to stay at home with my children until they’re ready to move forward, and myself as well, yet fully equipped to conquer the world with all that we’ve taught them. I tell them I love to clean and to cook dinner and to serve and that’s a weird thought to so many people. It’s as if people think I’m lacking a backbone or drive or whatever you want it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with the woman who work hard and succeed at the jobs they do; it is just not where my heart is. I know that when I’m ready and feel like my job is done in raising my children, I will then pursue a new set of goals, including a career. But until then, I want to be a driving strength, a force to be reckoned with, a passionate woman who helps guide my family. 

I have the desire to be the woman behind my man, the strength and support and love and caring woman he needs. I have the desire to take care of my children, helping their minds, hearts, and souls grow. I have the desire to create a safe place for my family where they can be real, receive grace, laugh, cry, be angry, be happy, anything they ever need. I want to create a home where they can do this, knowing they are fully loved. I want to spend time with them, creating memories and instilling Jesus’ heart into theirs. That is my dream and highest ambition.

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